..No time for thought; there was a knock at the door, and then a bustlingnoise as someone entered the room. "Hi, Lillianna, what' going -" hebegan, st...pping to laugh cruelly, then, "Why is he standing in thecorner -" and again stopping to gasp quickly. "Is this what I think itis? Did your scrawny boyfriend try to rape this girl?" Not only that, but he has been raping her - every Monday this wholesemester. We'll both hear the whole story in a moment, from both ofthem, but first let's get Denise. I'll be busy that night over at the women's shelter. I believe I have phone duty from five to midnight."I was trained in psychology. I retreated to the realm of the unknowable, to ponder the unsolvable.If you've ever watched TV, or been to an action adventure movie, you have watched, often with glee, as some bad person was blown away, or dropped from a tall building, or whatever. If you had a date with you, she may have clapped when it happened. I remember, in college, a foreign film was. The door led into a short hallway. We took only a few steps before we hadto turn right into a longer corridor with doors along the right side. Itwas darkened like the hallways in the rest of the building, with the onlysource of illumination coming from the security lights. When we had gone just halfway down the hall, Javier swore in Spanish underhis breath. Then grabbed me and pulled me into the nearby women'sbathroom. "What is it?" I bleated softly."I saw a light on in the lab," he told. And those kisses had suggested it could be the way I wanted it to be ... except not if she was disappointed in me.I think I understand people who commit suicide a little better. Things go wrong for them, and it piles up and there just comes a time when you think, "What the fuck. This isn't any fun and it's not going to get any more fun, and at least if I croaked I wouldn't be thinking about all this any more."Not that I was suicidal. I mean it wasn't that bad. But the final and irrevocable.
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