She jumped to attention beside her tall stool and awaited instructions.In a relaxed voice I said, "Nadia, please don't do that when I come in a room. ...elax a little. This is not a military academy. I am your friend not your commander or master. Can you pour us both some wine? I hope you'll join me."She relaxed a little, her shoulders dropping from their rigid posture. She visibly checked with me to be sure I was serious with the offer of a glass of wine. I nodded at the open bottle and smiled. My foster dad used something to beat the living shit out of me, which didn’t leave any marks or bruises, to make me do anything the people told me to do. The first time he did it I couldn’t move for three days and hurt everywhere for over a week. Soon the hand jobs became blowjobs, along with a bigger bonus that I never saw a dime of. In addition to the sleazy men I started having to blow the boy models too. One boy model had been touching me gently all day long as I blew him and jacked him off. There standing on the other side of his bedroom door was the neighbor’s eighteen year old daughter, totally naked. She was totally shaved smooth like both of them. All they could do was just stare.“Surprise! Now, are you going to ask me in so I can join the party?” She asked and smiled.“Um, sure, come on in. I, uh, think?” His sister answered and looked at him. He was not looking at his sister anymore. He was looking at the neighbor’s daughter. He had seen her many times, but never without. That, and it felt good. Even now I can remember sitting on the edge of a differentbed, in a different town years ago with this same belt, arguing with myself. What person in their right mind would whip themselves on the mere say-soof another person? There must be something wrong with me, I thought, onlyto correct myself the next moment: maybe there's something right with me andthis is merely a test, a tool to discover that something. The debate withinme raged for what seemed like hours, the.
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