”“Yeah, I was worried we’d have to reschedule.”“Have you told her how much you’re looking forward to it?”“You know Kara. She hates tal...ing about ‘silly emotional stuff.’”“That’s what she says, but it’s a front. It means a lot to her, but she still has trouble letting anyone see what she really feels. She had to hide for a long time. It’s a reflex at this point.”“Has she said anything to you?”“Some, but I’m also better at reading her. Even though she won’t say it, she’s looking forward to the. This time my hands were empty, and she scampered off to a sale table, leaving me exposed.We had a whispered argument among the racks of purses. I was upset about being seen with an erection in my Dockers. She wouldn't understand. "Your little thing," she said, "It's not like it's big enough for anyone to notice!"After twenty years of marriage I had become too small for her, and I didn't know how. I had never seen another real man erect, so I had no basis for comparison. I just assumed I was. She tried to sit on the toilet her arse ached from continually beingused, her whole body shook as she relieved herself, her mind wondering whatto do, she had to go home but in this state and what would she tell Andrew. She sat there exhausted and lost in her thoughts when the clerk andthe porter burst through the door, she screamed, ?No more,? they laughed,the porter pulled her off the seat, ?We saw you were up so we thought we'djoin you and no, we fucked you enough last night but that's no. I had asked Jonathan to bring Mother Kent's old dressingtable into the house from our garage. It was a beautiful old piece, andI hadn't been able to bear parting with it after her passing; now I wasdoubly glad that we had kept it. I dusted it off and laid out an arrayof brushes, combs, a couple of bottles of perfume, and a couple oflipsticks. I would introduce her to this aspect of womanhood later thisevening, to help her prepare for her first day of school as Claire. Ofcourse, I had never worn.
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