She cussed yet again, because two hours had gone by and she still was just starting her suicide letter. She typed a couple of sentences about her conv...rsations with Dr. Hartman, but then deleted them and started over with some words on how she was useless because she was so "fucked up". She didn't like that either, so she deleted yet again.I ought to be fucking dead by now ... and here I am still writing this stupid note...When Mike got back to the room, Ruthie was no closer to finishing her. Fuck, if anyone's tripping it's gotta be you. I mean it Kev, no more weed, no more X, no more nothing. You're cut off man!" Benny snapped his fingers to emphasize his point."Come off it! Ya fucking know I ain't gay Benny!" I looked at the bag of weed almost desperately. "Hey dude, ya know I'm a fucking stud!"Benny had a blank look on his face. He didn't look angry, he didn't look disappointed. "Kev, I've sucked your dick 11 times. 11 times you got a nut from it. I think that makes you gay. I feared that she was going to cut my nicelong hair I now had. I had been admiring it in the mirror for daysthinking how girly it was looking. But in the past 'fixing' my hairhad meant it being cut. And that was the last thing I wanted. I Icould see a pair of scissors sat right in the middle of the dressingtable."Ok then sweetie," she said at last after looking me over. "How wouldyou like me to do your hair? We can use any of these accessories thatyou like, or I can cut it nice and short. I told my husband that I was going to go up to our room and lie down for a while. By the time I got up to the room I had made up my mind that I was not going to go back to the party so I undressed and went to bed.I don't know how long I was there before I heard the room door open, but it did seem like it was a little soon for my husband to be coming up. He was usually the last one to leave and those parties sometimes went until the early hours of the morning. I thought that maybe he was just.
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