.. her tears falling on his face. "I love you, I love you..." she was whispering, over and over again."I know, sweetheart, I know ... and I love you t...o ... and today I'm going to start looking for some help."Two nights, now. Two nights of increasing disturbance and distress. What kind of a fool was he, to get her to rake up her terrible memories?She clung to him. "You should get rid of me; I am dirty, spoilt, ruined ... but I don't ... I can't let you go..." You aren't any of those things, you. By the end of the Christmas break, I wasirritable, drooling over pretty girls, and wondering if I wantedto give up any chance to be a boy to stop the emotional overload.When I called he Doctor at the University, he told me that I justneeded to change my dosage a bit. That afternoon, I got a shot inthe bottom, and a different dosage of hormones. By New Year's Iwas back to my old self again.At my suggestion, after the holidays Emil attended severalsessions with me and my counselor, and then a few. I now understand the problems I had and I have learned how to deal with them. I want to share all this with you. Please, please don't feel uncomfortable staying alone with me. Among all the things I learned during my therapy is understanding your and Jeanette's love, which is really so unique after 20 years together. All I can say is that I envy you, and that I mourn the years that went by with me unable to experience such love with anybody. So, Bob, let's just sit and talk, and let it just. I was the only one she loved spending time with. Even super-mom Meredith got mostly shy silence from her, whereas she was a chatterbox with me. She even taught me the basics of her native language, not out of any need, but just as an excuse to spend more time with me. I did some sleep training to reinforce her lessons and became pretty good at speaking Punjabi. I did notice that over time, she became more accepting of Steve, especially after he and Chital came together, but she was never as.
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